Starving To Be Loved

At the young age of twelve, Anorexia Nervosa unknowingly became a cunning friend to me. My father rarely noticed me. My mother, the cause of my lack of self-esteem, to my young mind had left me without a word or a second thought. My step-mother, who despised me for looking like my father's first wife, was a fearful tyrant screaming and swinging at me every chance she had. She laughed at me for weighing more than her petite form. I learned to hate the thought of being "fat". Then after a near-death illness, I lost eighteen pounds, bringing my weight to 98 pounds on a 5 foot 6 inch frame. I never got so much attention. The fact that I nearly died never registered. My emotional mind saw this weight loss as a number one success at being loved. I even weighted less than my step-mother. It was great! Over the next 25 years I starved on and off again, took thyroid medication, diuretics, amphetamines and laxatives, over-exercised until I literally fainted, and even disgustingly purged myself when the guilt of eating became too much for me. Not until the tragic death of Karen Carpenter did I start to realize the damaging affects of this way of living. Even knowing death was a possibility, I merely stopped the excessive behavior habits such as laxatives and purging, which in itself was a major accomplishment. Husband, friends, and parents were worried sick, but I just could not see myself realistically. It took a heart condition for me to face up to the importance of a healthy existence through good nutrition. However, even knowing what is right is not enough to guarantee that tomorrow's diet won't become my latest obsession. You see, just the mere loss of two pounds sets me on a self-destructive path, every ounce becoming the most important aspect of my day. Anorexia is a disease that must be kept in check from day to day.

In this obsessive illness that affects mostly women, many experts attribute the main cause to be society's strong emphasis on beauty and thinness. With the slender body seen as sexually appealing and prized by men, media, and even fashion designers, isn't it a small wonder that over one million young women at one time were in the grip of Anorexia Nervosa? Cherry Boone O'Neill, an anorexic, called it a "sophisticated form of suicide".1 The reasons for such odd behavior vary with each individual, from neurotic overreaction to a weight loss, such as in my case, to full scale schizophrenic delusions causing a person to be nauseated at the mere thought and sight of food. This can cause extreme body emaciation, or worse yet, death.2 "Fat" people believe that being thin is the answer to all of their problems and will end their strife in life. I call it thin fever.

Like alcoholism, this illness has many causes and pattern habits that are hard to break. If the temptation of returning to the old habit can not be fought on one's own, then professional help is badly needed. Primary Anorexia, which is merely a hiccough in the individual's progression to feeling secure and loved, is sometimes easier to help. This may only require out-patient treatment. Secondary is extreme emaciation and near death symptoms requiring in-patient hospitalization treatment that not only deals with the patient's debility but also with the psychological conflicts and difficulties which have contributed to the problem in the first place.5 Once the patient wants help or finds herself too ill to do otherwise, the following are the symptoms the therapist will look for:

. loss of 20% body weight

. loss of menstrual period in female

. thinning hair

. dry, flaking skin

. constipation

. lowered blood pressure; 80/50 not uncommon

. lowered body temperature 97-95

. lowered chloride levels

. lowered potassium levels

. lowered pulse rate 60-39

. dehydration

. abnormalties in electrolytes

. insomnia

Once the patient is diagnosed and appropriate treatment is advised, the first procedure is to get the body in better condition. Good luck! This patient will probably be unconsciously manipulative and conniving, wanting nothing more than to be free of everyone hounding her so she can once again be in control of her own body.

The number one most important treatment is to give a meaningful explanation as to why better nutrition is essential so that she can come to terms with her physiological problems. She needs reassurance that a good diet will be served in amounts that won't make her "fat". Physiological principles are simple:

1. Increase food intake to get body weight up and to replenish those stripped vitamins and minerals.

2. Decrease the activity of the driven patient.

3. Persuade, trick, bribe or force a negative patient into doing what she is determined not

to do.

4. Achieve this without doing anymore psychological damage.4

Each individual is treated according to her own special circumstances, duration of illness, emotional condition, age, and severity of symptoms. These are in conjunction with the quality of experience of the respective hospital.

Once the weight is up to 85% of normal body weight it is advised that the secondary patients receive psychiatric help. With it the condition will no doubt get worse. The "cause" must be dealt with so that the patient will understand herself. One on one therapy can be beneficial if the therapist is excellent in this field. It appears that group therapy has been shown to be a successful procedure because like-patients have a tendency to share their problems and give each other support and help in getting more honesty into their dealings. Patients can even view other rehabilitated patients on film and see how much better they look and act. If left without therapeutic help, many will become depressed and preoccupied with shame and guilt if their weight increases. Therapy must help the patient uncover the error of her convictions and let her recognize her value and self-worth so that she does not need Anorexia as her device for artifical ultra perfection.4

For me, Anorexia Nervosa is pathetically hard to shake. Much like drug addiction and alcoholism, it is like having a monkey on my back, always tempting, tempting to be more than I am; especially when the scale starts tipping into the "fat" zone. For the rest of my life I will have to fight back the urge to lose all of my excess with immediately, today, this instant. Thank God, instilled in my brain is the knowledge that lack of sensible nutrition not only will hurt me but all of those who love me.

1. Starving for Attention by Cherry Boone O'Neill

2. The New Encyclopedia Brittcanica

3. Treating and Overcoming Anorexia Nervosa, Levenkron

4. The Golden Cage Bruch

5. Obesity and Anorexia Nervosia Dally